Land of the Gods Read online

  Claudia’s father was on his farm. It turned out that Flavia Victorina was my centurion’s sister.

  I was introduced to someone else at the end of the meal. There was an altar to a god called Lar right next to the table, and Flavia Victorina poured him some wine when we’d all finished. Greetings, great Lar, I prayed silently. An honour to make your acquaintance. Then Flavia told Claudia to take me away and find me a pot of oil and a strigil.

  ‘What are you going to do, cook me?’ I asked Claudia, as I followed her out.

  She showed me her teeth.

  ‘Yes,’ she said fiercely. ‘The meal was just to fatten you. When my father gets home he will hang you upside down and cut your throat, and then we will have you for dinner.’

  I didn’t believe her.

  ‘What’s a strigil?’ I asked.

  But she only snorted and flounced off and wouldn’t talk to me anymore.

  A strigil was quite like a little knife, but the oil jar Claudia gave me was so small you couldn’t have fried much more than my big toe. Sabidus led me out into the town. I thought we were going to the baths, but first we went to a yard where there were a couple of rows of stone seats. Each one had a hole in the middle. People just hitched up their clothes, sat themselves down, and went. Just like that. Weird. And then they used oyster shells to scrape themselves clean. Really weird.

  After that we did go to the baths. There was a courtyard with a pillared walk all around – the Romans really went in for those – and the first thing you had to do when you got inside was to take off all your clothes. I didn’t like that one bit. A slave took our things and made marks on a tray of wax.

  I don’t think Romans feel the cold, because it was really perishing, and in the next room there were men right up to their necks in cold water. I practically died at the sight of it, but Sabidus led me to another room and that, thank all the gods, was quite warm. There were loads of men there, and everyone was rubbing handfuls of oil into their skin. Romans are just like Celts when they’ve got their clothes off, except they tend to be darker skinned, shorter, and hardly hairy at all.

  When we were oily all over Sabidus led me to the next room. The heat in there was incredible. The room was so thick with steam that you could hardly see across it, and everyone was drenched in sweat. This was where the strigil came in. You used it to scrape off all the dirt and sweat and stuff. It was quite fun – and it was amazing just how dirty I was. I got off loads, and even then Sabidus made me go all over myself again, because he said I was still filthy.

  And, as it turned out, he was right.

  Then came the best bit. There was a big pool of hot water to jump in, but we couldn’t stay in long, because the place was so crowded. Sabidus sprinkled cold water over us. I didn’t mind because I was so hot, and then we went back out into the oiling room again.

  There was a guy howling like anything because he was having his underarm hair plucked. I was jolly glad to get away from there, but the next thing was almost as bad; Sabidus made me plunge into the cold bath. It wasn’t as bad as I’d thought, though, because I was so hot that the cold never got in as far as my bones.

  ‘Now you’re beginning to look more like a Roman,’ said Sabidus, when we were dressed again. But he didn’t mean it nastily.

  The courtyard was full of people chatting and gambling, and lots of them knew Sabidus. We watched a game called soldiers, which was played on a squared board, but I couldn’t work out what it was all about. After a while the game must have finished because people paid each other money and the two players got up to go.

  ‘Who’s the boy, Sabidus Maximus?’ asked a squat, stupid-looking man. He had a squat, stupid-looking boy with him, and they both had the sort of faces that looked much too pleased with themselves.

  Sabidus answered so politely it was clear they were not friends.

  ‘His name is Lucan, Gratus,’ he said. ‘The chief magistrate has given him into my care, but I’m hoping my sister will look after him for me.’

  Gratus grinned.

  ‘That’s lucky,’ he said. ‘There’s no other way your brother-in-law could manage to get a boy in his house.’

  The little group around us fell suddenly silent, and I thought there was going to be a fight. I decided that when it started I’d go for Gratus’s son. He was a bit taller than me, but he had an inviting, splodgy nose.

  But Sabidus gave a thin smile and shook his head.

  ‘I’m afraid you must excuse me, gentlemen,’ he said. ‘I have to preserve my strength for the emperor’s service.’

  I suppose when you’re a centurion you can afford to swallow a few insults. I had to run to catch up with Sabidus as he strode off.

  Chapter Ten

  Claudia was sitting on a low wall in the garden when we got back to her house. She was singing to a clay figure.

  ‘What are you singing to that thing for?’ I asked.

  I thought that was a reasonable question, but she flared up at once.

  ‘It’s got more sense than some people!’ she said pointedly.

  Well, I was beginning to feel hungry again, so instead of pushing her off the wall I sat down and tried to be friendly.

  ‘There was a man called Gratus at the baths,’ I told her. ‘A toenail would have more sense than he has. And there was a boy with him with a face like a mouldy onion, and he looked worse than Gratus. I was going to hit him, but Sabidus towed me away.’

  ‘That’s Clementinus,’ said Claudia. ‘You should have hit him.’

  ‘I will if you like,’ I said. ‘What’s wrong with him?’

  Claudia hesitated.

  ‘He shouts things about... about me not having a brother,’ she said.

  I carried on being friendly and helpful. And to a Roman, too. I should have known that was going to be a waste of time.

  ‘I’ll say a prayer to Sul to make your mother fruitful, if you like,’ I said. ‘How many brothers do you want?’

  Claudia looked at me and suddenly her eyes were blazing.

  ‘Stupid filthy Celt!’ she snapped. She got up and stalked off.

  I hadn’t a clue what I’d done wrong.

  Flavia Victorina came out to find me a bit later on.

  ‘Claudia came in very upset,’ she said.

  ‘All I did was offer to hit Clementinus,’ I said. ‘And to say a prayer for her.’

  Romans don’t light up a lot, but Flavia did smile, then.

  ‘What did you offer to pray for, Lucan?’

  ‘For some brothers for her.’

  Flavia Victorina’s smile faded at once.

  ‘Claudia is ashamed of me,’ she said sadly. ‘I have offended the gods, somehow, and they will not give me a son.’

  Well, that was total rubbish.

  ‘You just need healing, that’s all,’ I said. But Flavia Victorina shook her head.

  ‘Our gods have different ways,’ she said. ‘Now, you must come inside. My husband will be home soon. Marcus Lepidus will not be pleased if you keep him from his dinner.’

  Marcus Lepidus Victor had grey hair, a scar running all the way down one cheek, and a no-nonsense manner. He was much older than his wife. He’d served in the army with Sabidus, and had been first centurion, which apparently was quite something.

  He didn’t think much of me. He said that my Latin was horrible and that I ate too much. Personally, I thought it was nice of me to eat anything at all, because it was leaves again. First we had oysters and raw leaves, and then we had meat in fish sauce with cooked leaves, and then we had some sweet bread-like stuff, which was so good that it took away the taste of all the rest.

  Sabidus and Marcus Lepidus talked on and on about old times. I was just falling asleep when someone said ‘Gratus,’ and that woke me up.

  Marcus Lepidus had stopped looking relaxed and happy.

  ‘Gratus is a fool,’ he said. ‘I’m surprised no one’s poisoned him.’

  Claudia piped up.

  ‘I will poison him for you, Father
,’ she offered. ‘I know where there’s a yew tree.’

  I thought that Lepidus would snarl and lash out at her, but he only laughed, and thanked her, and told her, no. Even so, Flavia Victorina spoke quietly and seriously to Claudia for a long time.

  ‘One day he’ll get his comeuppance,’ went on Lepidus. ‘But I’m afraid it’s beneath my dignity to attend to him.’

  Sabidus waved to one of the waiting slaves for more wine.

  ‘And mine, too, unfortunately,’ he said. ‘It’s almost enough to make me wish I was a legionary again.’

  Lepidus smiled, and shook his head.

  ‘Oh no you don’t,’ he said. ‘You wouldn’t want to dig roads and sleep eight to a room again.’

  And the conversation slipped back to the old times he and Sabidus had shared.

  I woke up next morning and for a moment I thought I’d died and been taken by the gods. I was lying under a blanket on a stuffed soft sack, and a stranger was pulling back a cloth to reveal a glass window through which I could see a clear blue sky.

  As if that wasn’t enough, the stranger had brought me breakfast: the softest bread, and the sweetest apple, that I’d ever dreamed of.

  After breakfast I tried to find my way out into the garden, but I got lost and ended up at the little shrine where the god Lar lived. So I knelt down and asked him to find me a home where my talents would be properly appreciated.

  When I got up I found Claudia watching me.

  ‘Were you cursing us?’ she asked.

  ‘Of course not,’ I said, annoyed. I really do not do curses. ‘I was asking if I could go somewhere where people are friendly, that’s all.’

  She blinked thoughtfully.

  ‘I hope you can,’ she said. ‘Perhaps Uncle Sabidus will take you to Isca Silurum with him. One of the soldiers there might want you. There might be one who’s not fussy.’

  I was getting really fed up with Claudia.

  ‘Are you Romans always so polite to guests?’ I asked.

  She shrugged.

  ‘Well, why would anyone want you?’ she asked. ‘Round here we don’t like people who eat people.’

  ‘I’ve never eaten anybody in my life!’

  ‘Well, your people do. And you’re all dirty and ignorant. And you go around fighting all the time.’

  That was a bit rich, coming from a Roman.

  ‘And how about your lot?’ I asked. ‘What about your legions? They’re not exactly peaceful, are they?’

  ‘That’s only at first, if people don’t appreciate what we’re doing for them,’ she explained. ‘Once people see what we’re like they soon become quite peaceful and contented, like the people are here.’

  ‘Oh yes,’ I said sarcastically. ‘Like the people in my mother’s tribe’s lands. Peacefully dead. How many people did you kill during Boudicca’s rebellion, Claudia?’

  I knew it was thousands upon thousands. My mother told me once that all the lands where her family used to live were deserted, now.

  ‘And how many did your people kill?’ Claudia demanded, in return. ‘You Celts wiped out Verulanium and Londinium. You even killed the women and the children.’ I hadn’t known that. I stopped for a minute.

  ‘I’ve never killed anyone,’ I said, at last.

  ‘And neither have I.’

  We both looked at each other for a moment, and then I sat down thoughtfully.

  ‘At least we don’t watch people being torn to bits by wild animals,’ I said.

  ‘It’s better than stuffing them inside wicker cages and setting fire to them, like you do.’

  I shook my head at once.

  ‘My people don’t do that. That’s the Druids. I’ve never even seen a Druid.’

  ‘They’re still Celts.’

  ‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘And your great emperor is Roman, isn’t he? And I’ve heard some funny tales about him, too.’

  That made Claudia stop and think. Then she sat down next to me.

  ‘I suppose it wouldn’t be that bad if you stayed here with us for a while,’ she said. ‘Mother would like a boy to fuss over. And Uncle Sabidus would be pleased to be rid of you. And I suppose it’d be company.’

  She was right. It wouldn’t be that bad if I stayed for a while. Claudia was a bit of a pain, but I got plenty of food, even if half of it was leaves. In any case, it was a lot safer to be friends with Claudia than enemies. I didn’t want to be poisoned with yew berries, did I?

  ‘Father doesn’t think much of you,’ Claudia went on, thoughtfully. ‘But Mother might just persuade him to let you stay. Heaven knows why, but she quite likes you.’

  ‘Of course heaven knows why,’ I told her. ‘Why, I’ve prayed to every god I’ve ever heard of to save me from being tortured to death by you lot.’

  ‘We don’t torture people to death! Well, not as a rule. Only if it’s necessary. We’re very peaceful people. Peaceful and organised.’

  ‘I know,’ I said. ‘That’s another reason why I don’t mind staying.’

  Chapter Eleven

  I knew Claudia was a dangerous enemy. What I hadn’t realised was that she was a dangerous friend, as well.

  She laid plans.

  ‘Father likes manly boys,’ she said. ‘Look, I’ve got Father’s spare sword from his chest. Go into the courtyard and pretend you’re fighting with it. Father’s bound to see you.’

  Marcus Lepidus saw me, all right. He strode out, took the sword from me, and whacked me with it for taking it without permission.

  Claudia was rather pleased.

  ‘That’s one up to you,’ she said. ‘You hardly yelled at all when he hit you. He’ll like that. Now go and do it again.’

  ‘What? You must be joking,’ I said, rubbing myself.

  She wasn’t. She said it would prove I was determined and brave. In the end we compromised. I did go and play at ­sword-fighting again, but I did it with a cabbage-stalk instead of a sword. Marcus Lepidus saw me again, but this time when he came out he showed me how to hold a sword properly, and what you did with your feet when you lunged.

  Sabidus was really annoyed with me when he heard about the sword, but Marcus Lepidus told him I’d already been taken care of.

  ‘I’m sorry the boy has caused you trouble,’ said Sabidus, gloomily.

  ‘Boys are always trouble,’ said Marcus Lepidus.

  Claudia was full of ideas. After lunch, when Flavia Victorina had poured out the offering to Lar, Claudia led me to a room where there were wax masks hanging on the wall. Well, I’m really brave, as you know, but those masks had glowing glass eyes and I didn’t like them one bit.

  ‘What are they?’ I asked.

  ‘The death masks of my ancestors,’ said Claudia. Even she spoke in a low voice. ‘If you want to join the household then you’d better introduce yourself.’

  Well, those masks gave me the heebie jeebies so I prayed to them really hard. I definitely wanted them on my side.

  I asked Claudia if there were any other Roman gods who might help me, and it turned out they had some that were especially interested in children. There was Cunina, who guarded your bed; Ossipago, who made your bones grow straight and strong; and Interduca, who watched you on your way to school.

  ‘Oh, I won’t bother with school,’ I said.

  ‘You’ll have to. All Roman boys go,’ pointed out Claudia.

  I shook my head.

  ‘I’m not interested in scratching things in wax,’ I said. ‘I’d rather be a soldier, like Sabidus and Marcus Lepidus.’

  ‘Then you’ll have to go to school,’ said Claudia, triumphantly. ‘You can’t be a legionary unless you can read. So there!’

  There was another god, called Levana, who was in charge of the time when a father first lifts his child in his arms. I wondered if my own father had done something like that, long ago, and I wished I could remember him.

  There was a performance at the amphitheatre that afternoon, and Claudia nagged Sabidus until he and Marcus Lepidus said they would take us. />
  ‘But put your toga on properly, Lucan,’ he said irritably. ‘That tunic’s hardly fit for a dish cloth.’

  The show took place outside in a flat area with a high bank all around it where people sat on benches to watch.

  ‘What’s it going to be like?’ I asked Claudia, as we went to our seats. I was just about the only person wearing a toga and I almost wished I’d stayed at home.

  ‘There’ll be gladiators, I expect,’ she said. ‘And a wild bull. I heard they’d got a bear, as well, but I don’t suppose they’ll let it out today because there’s not much of a crowd.’

  ‘Here,’ said Marcus Lepidus, shoving a coin into my hand. ‘Go and buy us some cakes from that man down there. And don’t be all day about it.’

  It took me ages to fight my way past everyone’s legs and get down to ground level, and of course by that time the cake man had wandered off. When I finally spotted him he was over on the other side of a grassy passage bordered by two fences. Luckily I’m an excellent climber so that didn’t bother me. I got over the first fence with no trouble at all, and only quite a small rip to my toga.

  The first thing I noticed when I jumped down onto the grass was that someone had left a heap of old clothes by the side of the fence.

  And then I looked again and saw it was Aphrodisius.

  ‘Hello,’ I said. ‘What are you doing here?’ He clutched my knees and started gibbering that he was going to die.

  ‘Die?’ I echoed. ‘What makes you think you’re going to die?’

  I should have guessed. No one had wanted to buy the poor fool when he’d been put up for sale, and so he was being used as a gladiator. That meant he was going to be given a sword and put into the arena. Then a man called a retiarius, armed with a net, trident and dagger, would come and kill him.

  I thought of telling Aphrodisius that he might kill the retiarius, but that was so unlikely it hardly seemed kind to mention it. I also wondered about telling him to put up such a brilliant fight that the crowd would ask for him to be spared – but there was hardly any chance of that, either. I was just patting his scrawny back and saying ‘There, there,’ when a shadow fell over us.